1 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:08,167 Hey, Robert, I forgot my yoga mat upstairs. 2 00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:09,417 - Mwah! - I can get it for you. 3 00:00:09,417 --> 00:00:11,000 Don't be silly, I'II get it. 4 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,959 - What is going on?! - Adriana! 5 00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:26,669 Adriana, this is... Well, this is embarrassing. 6 00:00:26,669 --> 00:00:29,169 - My Spanish teacher. - Sure, she is. 7 00:00:29,169 --> 00:00:31,169 No, we were just working on ordering scrambled eggs. 8 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:49,211 - Why are you not dead? - Because it's not what it looks like. 9 00:00:52,421 --> 00:00:56,837 What it looks like is two hot chicks waving their arms around. 10 00:00:58,379 --> 00:01:01,004 - What are they saying? - I have no idea. 11 00:01:01,004 --> 00:01:02,379 I'm listening for key words. 12 00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:05,462 Wait, the ''Great Latino Hope'' doesn't speak Spanish? 13 00:01:05,462 --> 00:01:09,713 Awkward, right? My parents thought an accent would hold me back, 14 00:01:09,713 --> 00:01:11,547 so no one spoke Spanish at home. 15 00:01:11,547 --> 00:01:13,547 I hear you on that one, man. 16 00:01:13,547 --> 00:01:15,630 My house was an Ebonics-free zone. 17 00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:18,630 - Strictly enforced. - Really? That's amazing. 18 00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:22,006 No ''Que pasas'' for me, no ''Sup, dawgs?'' for you? 19 00:01:22,006 --> 00:01:24,381 - How'd the hell did we survive? - We became Republicans. 20 00:01:54,216 --> 00:01:57,050 I can do it. I can do it, I'm not helpless. 21 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,133 That's the spirit. 22 00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:01,509 There you go, Half Windsor, just the way you like it. 23 00:02:01,509 --> 00:02:04,592 Louise, what did we agree about spittle-pats? 24 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:07,176 OK, OK, elder cranky pants! 25 00:02:07,176 --> 00:02:09,576 Oh, easy, easy, easy. 26 00:02:09,576 --> 00:02:13,159 Hey, Louis, you don't mind if I stash these suits up here, do you? 27 00:02:13,159 --> 00:02:16,552 We got a herd of wild-ass Christians assembling downstairs. 28 00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:20,552 No Jews? Rose said there'd be Jews. 29 00:02:18,952 --> 00:02:21,552 I don't know, man, I don't see creed. 30 00:02:21,552 --> 00:02:22,802 - Hey, Julie. - Senator. 31 00:02:22,802 --> 00:02:24,968 You're boss was explaining to me that you have a little bit 32 00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:27,177 of a love deficit, and I want you to know 33 00:02:27,177 --> 00:02:29,803 - that I am on the case. - No, no, no, please. 34 00:02:29,803 --> 00:02:32,428 - No, senator... - No, no need to thank me. 35 00:02:32,428 --> 00:02:36,719 Huh? I'm already bouncing around a few ideas. 36 00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:37,636 - We'll taIk. - Sir... 37 00:02:38,928 --> 00:02:41,303 I told him you weren't interested. 38 00:02:41,303 --> 00:02:42,887 He wouldn't hear of it. 39 00:02:42,887 --> 00:02:44,804 Julie, could you go warm up the guests 40 00:02:44,804 --> 00:02:46,574 and check their names against the list? 41 00:02:46,574 --> 00:02:47,720 Why, who'd crash a prayer brunch? 42 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:48,845 You'd be surprised, senator. 43 00:02:48,845 --> 00:02:50,637 Prayers become quite competitive on the Hill. 44 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,012 - James. - Ma'am? 45 00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:54,429 Time to start tweeting. 46 00:02:54,429 --> 00:02:57,721 Sir? That was out of line. 47 00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:00,305 She'll thank me later. 48 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,013 Can I say it's being hosted by a Democrat? 49 00:03:03,013 --> 00:03:04,430 If you create context. 50 00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:06,013 A tweet's only 140 characters. 51 00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:08,638 One tweet for content, one for context. 52 00:03:08,638 --> 00:03:10,306 Yeah, of course. 53 00:03:12,722 --> 00:03:15,431 - Senator Armiston, welcome! 54 00:03:15,431 --> 00:03:17,806 - Senator Laffer will be so... - Hey, you gonna help me set up. 55 00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:20,014 - Set up? This isn't catered? - Right, catered. 56 00:03:20,014 --> 00:03:22,347 - Oh. - Julie, would you check on the hot hors d'oeuvres? 57 00:03:22,347 --> 00:03:23,973 Oh, I'm sorry, senator, I'm just... 58 00:03:23,973 --> 00:03:26,848 I'm a little bit busy. Perhaps you could... 59 00:03:26,848 --> 00:03:29,807 ...ask someone from your own staff. 60 00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:35,515 I want you to start on that side of the room. 61 00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:37,641 Get a comment about Senator Laffer 62 00:03:37,641 --> 00:03:39,474 from each guest, and be sure... 63 00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:41,266 James, listen to me. 64 00:03:41,266 --> 00:03:44,474 Be absolutely sure to disclose you're tweeting what they say. 65 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,683 No spinning. And for God's sake, no snark. 66 00:03:47,683 --> 00:03:50,141 It's a prayer brunch. 67 00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:53,725 Doesn't the phrase, ''prayer brunch'' sort of sound like snark? 68 00:03:53,725 --> 00:03:55,225 Like a swipe at liberaIs? 69 00:03:55,225 --> 00:03:57,100 Yeah, I suppose so. 70 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,475 But that's Senator DuPeche's problem. 71 00:03:59,475 --> 00:04:02,017 Nothing by drama ever since I arrived. Speaking of which... 72 00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,018 - Yeah? - You'll be nice today, right? 73 00:04:05,018 --> 00:04:08,393 - I'm always nice. - I know, but it's mixed company. 74 00:04:08,393 --> 00:04:13,935 If we can't put our dukes down during a prayer circle, there's no hope. 75 00:04:13,935 --> 00:04:14,935 - Hmm. - We're just here for Louis. 76 00:04:14,935 --> 00:04:19,144 Rozzy, I promise you, I will not be the problem today. 77 00:04:19,144 --> 00:04:21,769 Hey, Tess! 78 00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:25,436 There's gonna be a problem? 79 00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:26,727 Sir? You wanted to know 80 00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:28,686 when Senator Armiston arrived? 81 00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,561 Hey, Gil John, what's up, big guy? 82 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,270 No, I can't, Carly just got here, 83 00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:34,187 I want to work her a little bit before we get started. 84 00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:35,562 I'll get Andy to do it. 85 00:04:35,562 --> 00:04:37,103 Noproblemo. 86 00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:39,353 Would you mind taking a few beers out to Gil John? 87 00:04:39,353 --> 00:04:40,978 Um, OK. 88 00:04:48,646 --> 00:04:51,063 - Hey. - Thanks, man. 89 00:04:51,063 --> 00:04:55,229 - Want one? - Sure. Why not? 90 00:04:57,063 --> 00:05:00,522 - You're not coming in? - No, I hate those things. 91 00:05:00,522 --> 00:05:03,480 I always thought prayer should be spontaneous. 92 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,105 - And private. - Why, what do you pray for? 93 00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:09,855 Buzzer-beaters, parking spaces, 94 00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:11,564 sex with check-out girls. 95 00:05:11,564 --> 00:05:12,898 Nothing I'm proud of. 96 00:05:12,898 --> 00:05:15,023 What's wrong with sex with check-out girls? 97 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,148 The point is, a man should be able to pray for something 98 00:05:17,148 --> 00:05:19,898 whether it's a big-ticket item like racial harmony 99 00:05:19,898 --> 00:05:22,565 or something pissant, like a good poker hand, 100 00:05:22,565 --> 00:05:24,731 without people all up in his grill, judging them. 101 00:05:24,731 --> 00:05:28,857 Well, Gil, I don't think prayer's just about asking for particular outcomes. 102 00:05:28,857 --> 00:05:31,566 Sure as hell was in my locker room. 103 00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:33,149 You oughtta know about that, man. 104 00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:35,936 You threw footballs for Florida State, right? 105 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,856 Funny you should bring it up in that context. 106 00:05:37,856 --> 00:05:40,983 The faithful at State had a nickname for me. 107 00:05:40,983 --> 00:05:43,305 - What was that, Andy? - ''God.'' 108 00:05:43,305 --> 00:05:46,192 - God, huh? - Yeah. I was pretty good. 109 00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:53,525 Carly. A minute? 110 00:05:53,525 --> 00:05:56,651 Robert! You've changed your mind about being seen with me? 111 00:05:56,651 --> 00:05:59,943 Yeah, it's a prayer meeting. No problem. Listen, about the ethics committee hearing... 112 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,734 - Stop right there. - I know, I know, I know. 113 00:06:01,734 --> 00:06:04,068 But in the sanctity of prayerful fellowship, 114 00:06:04,068 --> 00:06:06,484 I am telling you, it's a bum rap. 115 00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:08,569 - We cannot talk about this. - Carly, they are accusing me 116 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,444 of taking expensive suits. 117 00:06:10,444 --> 00:06:12,985 Mohair suits. You could go upstairs to my room. 118 00:06:12,985 --> 00:06:14,319 You would no find one hair of mo. 119 00:06:14,319 --> 00:06:16,444 I'm sorry, Robert. 120 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:19,902 - I'm allergic to mohair. 121 00:06:19,902 --> 00:06:23,320 Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention. 122 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,361 Your attention, please. 123 00:06:26,361 --> 00:06:28,990 At this time, it is my great privilege 124 00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:31,461 to officially welcome home my boss... 125 00:06:31,461 --> 00:06:36,154 And my dear friend, Louis Laffer. 126 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,737 Thank you. 127 00:06:45,737 --> 00:06:47,612 Thank you, my friends. 128 00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:52,030 Thank you. 129 00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:54,405 Senator, if you could just look at James. 130 00:06:54,405 --> 00:06:55,697 It's for your Twitter feed. 131 00:06:55,697 --> 00:07:00,072 Hi, twits. It's an honor to be back. 132 00:07:00,072 --> 00:07:02,072 Sir, the salute isn't really appropriate 133 00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:05,323 unless you've been in the service, or you're president. 134 00:07:05,323 --> 00:07:07,448 - Louis, let me show you where you'll be sitting. 135 00:07:07,448 --> 00:07:09,489 He already knows, senator, we've worked that out. 136 00:07:09,489 --> 00:07:11,906 Right here. 137 00:07:11,906 --> 00:07:15,656 Now, don't go fussing over me. 138 00:07:15,656 --> 00:07:17,240 All it takes is a few deviled eggs, 139 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,824 an iced tea with two Splenda to make me happy as a clam. 140 00:07:19,824 --> 00:07:21,365 - James! - Uh, right here. 141 00:07:21,365 --> 00:07:23,449 The senator needs some eggs. 142 00:07:23,449 --> 00:07:25,057 And an iced tea. 143 00:07:25,057 --> 00:07:28,357 Two Splendas. 144 00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:29,282 Copy that, sir. 145 00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,283 Where's Senator Biggs? Haven't seen him. 146 00:07:34,283 --> 00:07:37,325 He's out in his car, watching the game. 147 00:07:37,325 --> 00:07:38,935 He doesn't like prayer meetings. 148 00:07:38,935 --> 00:07:41,275 You have such an interesting boss. 149 00:07:40,075 --> 00:07:42,825 Trade him for yours in a second. 150 00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:45,067 Listen, you wanna go upstairs? 151 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:47,492 We won't be missed. 152 00:07:49,826 --> 00:07:52,409 - What's upstairs? - Me, in about two minutes. 153 00:07:52,409 --> 00:07:54,534 Door at the end of the hall. 154 00:08:03,035 --> 00:08:05,952 Oh, you looked so hot down there. 155 00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:08,952 - Eating waffles is hot? - I'm a farm girl. 156 00:08:08,952 --> 00:08:12,078 We spend a lot of time watching guys eat. 157 00:08:13,328 --> 00:08:16,494 Oh, wait, wait, wait. Not here, not here. 158 00:08:16,494 --> 00:08:19,244 Um... 159 00:08:20,494 --> 00:08:22,994 - Seriously? - It's like a cozy little tent in here. 160 00:08:22,994 --> 00:08:25,279 - Just like camping. - I don't like camping. 161 00:08:25,331 --> 00:08:28,079 How do you know until you've tried? 162 00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:30,204 Bring a pillow. 163 00:08:34,079 --> 00:08:35,912 So I've got this idea for a bill. 164 00:08:35,912 --> 00:08:39,830 - A bill? You? - I know, unlikely. 165 00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:41,163 But I gotta get some points on the board. 166 00:08:41,163 --> 00:08:44,246 You got no chance. None. 167 00:08:44,246 --> 00:08:46,413 You heard we're in the minority, right? 168 00:08:46,413 --> 00:08:50,080 Here's my idea: a national holiday for veterans. 169 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,164 That's a great idea, Andy. 170 00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:55,047 - So great we already have one. - No, no, a new one. 171 00:08:55,047 --> 00:08:58,206 To honor the veterans from the global war on terror. 172 00:08:58,206 --> 00:09:00,039 There's almost three million of 'em. 173 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,831 You've also got your first responders, 174 00:09:01,831 --> 00:09:05,122 your NSA, your TSA, all the spawn of 9-11, 175 00:09:05,122 --> 00:09:07,540 that's a million more. 176 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,457 They deserve their own day. 177 00:09:09,457 --> 00:09:12,790 ''Global War on Terror Veterans Day?'' 178 00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,707 GWoT-VD2. You get it? 179 00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:17,332 Sounds like a sexually transmitted disease. 180 00:09:17,332 --> 00:09:19,208 That's funny, Gil. 181 00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,083 But here's the genius part: 182 00:09:21,083 --> 00:09:23,583 It's an unpaid holiday. 183 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:27,791 That's calling back a day of pay from the entire federal workforce. 184 00:09:27,791 --> 00:09:29,541 Our side will love it because of the savings. 185 00:09:29,541 --> 00:09:32,374 The Democrats will love it because it's a holiday. 186 00:09:32,374 --> 00:09:34,792 It's win-win... win. 187 00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,834 - Who's the third win? - Me. 188 00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:39,209 And you. If you co-sponsor. 189 00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:41,834 - A holiday, huh? - that cuts the budget. 190 00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:44,584 You caught me in my wheelhouse, man. 191 00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:50,085 Well, they're starting soon. 192 00:09:50,085 --> 00:09:52,626 Hey, would you like me to send you out a plate? 193 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,626 - I would, Andy, thank you. - All right. 194 00:09:55,626 --> 00:09:59,085 GWoT-VD2. 195 00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:04,086 Well, hello, James. 196 00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:05,711 Why aren't you at the prayer circle? 197 00:10:05,711 --> 00:10:07,836 I am. I'm live-tweeting it. 198 00:10:07,836 --> 00:10:09,669 You don't look like you're tweeting to me. 199 00:10:09,669 --> 00:10:13,169 I'm on break. Social media takes a lot of concentration. 200 00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:15,503 -Oh, I imagine it does. - Not that I'm complaining. 201 00:10:15,503 --> 00:10:18,087 Of course not. You chose a life of service. 202 00:10:18,087 --> 00:10:22,587 I'm just... I'm just glad that you're sharing your break with me. 203 00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,920 I like sharing things with you. 204 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,796 I wish we could share more, James. 205 00:10:27,796 --> 00:10:29,838 - That would be a blessing. - I know. 206 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,921 Sometimes, I... No, never mind. 207 00:10:31,921 --> 00:10:34,004 No, what? What were you gonna say? 208 00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:36,504 We??, I... Sometimes I make GIFs of you. 209 00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:41,505 Little loops from our chats, so I cans see you talk to me whenever I want. 210 00:10:41,505 --> 00:10:43,880 That's weird, isn't it? I'll stop. 211 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,547 No, no, no, don't stop, James. GIFs are a gift. 212 00:10:46,547 --> 00:10:50,505 It means I can be with you even when you're far away. 213 00:10:50,505 --> 00:10:54,881 Let's... Let's make a new GIF together. 214 00:10:54,881 --> 00:10:56,215 Would you like that, James? 215 00:10:56,215 --> 00:10:59,048 Um... Very much, Lola. 216 00:10:59,048 --> 00:11:03,798 Um, but this is an office laptop. Let me put in my thumb drive. 217 00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:11,216 Come to me, beloved. Feed among my lilies. 218 00:11:11,216 --> 00:11:16,174 Are you recording? 219 00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:20,132 Hey. Do I detect my wife's handiwork? 220 00:11:20,132 --> 00:11:22,007 Maybe you do, maybe you don't. 221 00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:24,133 I think I do. 222 00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:26,508 You... made coasters. 223 00:11:26,508 --> 00:11:30,258 Well, it's your big day and I wanted to pitch in. 224 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,467 Brothers and sisters in prayer, 225 00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:35,425 if you would all join us here in the living room, 226 00:11:35,425 --> 00:11:39,968 - we can get started. - Everyone, your names are on your seats. 227 00:11:39,968 --> 00:11:43,134 Ignore them. There's no assigned seating. 228 00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:46,968 OK, we'll see how that works out. 229 00:11:49,301 --> 00:11:52,510 - Louis, - Paul, so glad to see you. 230 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:54,344 Sorry, Paul, you're in my seat. 231 00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:57,102 - I thought you said... - Paul, I'm not in the mood. 232 00:11:57,102 --> 00:12:01,260 This side is for the cool kids, Paul. You're over there. 233 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:05,678 Hi. 234 00:12:08,053 --> 00:12:10,260 Let's get started. Chaplain, Teeter. 235 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,345 Let us pray. 236 00:12:13,386 --> 00:12:17,054 Settle down, caterers. 237 00:12:17,054 --> 00:12:19,387 Thank you. 238 00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:22,804 That's for after. 239 00:12:22,804 --> 00:12:25,398 Should've thought of that before you opened the bar. 240 00:12:25,398 --> 00:12:29,262 We are gathered here today in profound gratitude 241 00:12:29,262 --> 00:12:31,930 for Louis's safe return home. 242 00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:37,930 Although he sustained a most grievous wound while serving his country abroad... 243 00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:41,276 Please, chaplain. I'm no hero. 244 00:12:41,276 --> 00:12:45,139 In your mercy, you have restored him to his family and friends. 245 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:48,348 And for that, we offer thanks. 246 00:12:48,348 --> 00:12:51,014 So now we ask you to hear our prayers 247 00:12:51,014 --> 00:12:52,889 that we humbly offer here today 248 00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:54,764 - Amen. - [all] Amen. 249 00:12:54,764 --> 00:12:56,014 Very nice, chaplain. 250 00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:58,890 Louise, would you like to start us off? 251 00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,474 Oh, no, thank you, Rosalyn. 252 00:13:00,474 --> 00:13:02,337 It's OK, honey, you can go first. 253 00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:05,640 - It's not like at home. - You sure? 254 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:06,974 OK... 255 00:13:09,015 --> 00:13:12,975 Dear, Lord, all of us in the Laffer family, 256 00:13:12,975 --> 00:13:16,766 Lola and Lorna and Lori and I, 257 00:13:16,766 --> 00:13:20,016 are so glad to have our little giant home. 258 00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:21,816 Take care, God. Amen. 259 00:13:21,816 --> 00:13:23,933 - Amen. - Amen. 260 00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:25,225 [all] Amen. 261 00:13:25,225 --> 00:13:28,392 - Paul. - Rosalyn. 262 00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:32,351 I, too, appreciate brother Louis's sacrifices, 263 00:13:32,351 --> 00:13:34,309 but the god that I pray to 264 00:13:34,309 --> 00:13:36,281 demands nothing less in his service. 265 00:13:36,281 --> 00:13:38,393 Even as we throw him out of our public life, 266 00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:41,518 out of our schools, out of our hospitals, 267 00:13:41,518 --> 00:13:44,602 where we slaughter unborn children by the millions... 268 00:13:44,602 --> 00:13:47,518 - This is a brunch. - Ripping them from the wombs 269 00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:49,643 - of fallen women... - Are you kidding me? 270 00:13:49,643 --> 00:13:52,501 - ...we beg your mercy... - Chaplain, I would like a chance to respond to this! 271 00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:56,228 - I can't just... - ...on these pitiful souls! 272 00:13:56,228 --> 00:14:00,144 Through Jesus Christ, our Lord. 273 00:14:00,144 --> 00:14:02,519 - Amen. 274 00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:05,344 [all] Amen. 275 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,770 Lemar, how about a musical interlude? 276 00:14:07,770 --> 00:14:12,035 I thought you'd never ask, Rosalyn. 277 00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:16,532 Louis, your tribuIations at the hands of Satan's host 278 00:14:16,532 --> 00:14:21,688 lend a special resonance to this long-time favorite. 279 00:14:24,212 --> 00:14:25,771 Enjoy. 280 00:14:27,813 --> 00:14:30,396 - Where you going? - Don't worry, I'll be right back. 281 00:14:30,396 --> 00:14:32,438 Make it quick. You're on in two minutes. 282 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,314 - Not according to the program. - That's Julie's schedule. 283 00:14:34,314 --> 00:14:37,147 - That's not the official one. - I'll be right back. 284 00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:40,507 Onward Christian soldiers 285 00:14:40,507 --> 00:14:43,439 Marching as to war 286 00:14:43,439 --> 00:14:47,397 With the cross of Jesus 287 00:14:47,397 --> 00:14:51,065 Going on before 288 00:14:51,065 --> 00:14:54,232 Christ the royal master 289 00:14:54,232 --> 00:14:58,084 Leads against the foe 290 00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:01,724 Forward into battle 291 00:15:00,523 --> 00:15:05,316 See his banners go Onward... 292 00:15:05,316 --> 00:15:07,899 Everybody, you know this part. Sing along. 293 00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:13,241 [all singing] * Onward, Christian soldiers 294 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:16,692 Marching as to war 295 00:15:16,692 --> 00:15:20,525 With a cross of Jesus 296 00:15:20,525 --> 00:15:23,775 Going on before 297 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,567 Hey. 298 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,609 Anyone speaking in tongues yet? 299 00:15:28,609 --> 00:15:30,943 Worse. 300 00:15:32,086 --> 00:15:35,660 On, then Christian soldiers 301 00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:38,976 On to victory 302 00:15:37,776 --> 00:15:41,610 Louder, Carly. 303 00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:41,840 HeII's foundations quiver... 304 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,986 OK, that was great, Lemar. That was beautiful. 305 00:15:45,786 --> 00:15:48,402 - Ha! - [Lemar] Look at that. 306 00:15:47,711 --> 00:15:48,736 Is that some sort of app? 307 00:15:48,736 --> 00:15:54,486 - Fuck me. - Hi, Gil John. 308 00:15:51,847 --> 00:15:55,071 - Thanks for joining us. - Don't you go away, Gil John. 309 00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:58,153 I've also got a song for the other side of the aisle. 310 00:15:57,930 --> 00:16:01,046 Rosalyn, Carly, this one's for you. 311 00:16:01,046 --> 00:16:04,804 - Oh. - It's about inclusiveness. Enjoy. 312 00:16:04,804 --> 00:16:07,871 He's got the whole world in his hands 313 00:16:07,871 --> 00:16:10,934 - Oh, my God. -* He's got the whole world in his hands * 314 00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:12,821 Everybody, clap hands! 315 00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:14,904 Andy, find Robert, he's on in two minutes. 316 00:16:14,904 --> 00:16:15,904 Right. 317 00:16:15,904 --> 00:16:17,738 - Gotta go, buddy. - Oh, thank God. 318 00:16:17,738 --> 00:16:19,946 ...sisters in his hands 319 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:23,196 He's got his brothers and his sisters in his hands 320 00:16:23,196 --> 00:16:26,655 He's got the whoe world in his hands... 321 00:16:26,655 --> 00:16:28,780 Robert? 322 00:16:31,364 --> 00:16:33,614 ...your lamb in my pasture, James! 323 00:16:33,614 --> 00:16:36,239 -Oh, bring it home! 324 00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:39,115 Really? 325 00:16:42,323 --> 00:16:44,115 How do you like camping now, city boy? 326 00:16:44,115 --> 00:16:46,240 I love it! I love camping! 327 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:50,781 - Robert? - I'm in here, Andy. 328 00:16:53,241 --> 00:16:56,491 What the fuck, man? You're supposed to be in the circle. 329 00:16:56,491 --> 00:16:59,991 I know, I'm just... taking the edge off. 330 00:16:59,991 --> 00:17:03,157 Rosalyn always gets me all jacked up. 331 00:17:03,157 --> 00:17:05,533 Great, you're about to lead a prayer and you're totally baked. 332 00:17:05,533 --> 00:17:09,908 Andy, let me just explain my personal philosophy to you, all right? 333 00:17:09,908 --> 00:17:12,950 If the good Lord did not want me to be stoned, 334 00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:16,117 I wouIdn't be stoned. Or some shit like that. 335 00:17:17,908 --> 00:17:20,743 Yeah, I mean, maybe that's not a formal philosophy, 336 00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:23,076 at least not one that can be taught. 337 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,909 I'll just tell them that you're drunk. 338 00:17:24,909 --> 00:17:27,243 And that you're throwing up. 339 00:17:27,243 --> 00:17:28,534 That, they can handle. 340 00:17:28,534 --> 00:17:31,451 Hell, no man, I'm gonna say the goddamn prayer! 341 00:17:33,035 --> 00:17:34,952 What? 342 00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:37,952 Did I just say something? 343 00:17:39,785 --> 00:17:42,785 Man, this shit is out ahead of me. 344 00:17:44,077 --> 00:17:46,161 Come on. 345 00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:52,328 Where is he? 346 00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,495 He'll be here. He's my best friend. 347 00:17:54,495 --> 00:17:56,786 You're kidding. 348 00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:59,412 Freedom! 349 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:04,496 I kid. Actually, my people have made great strides. 350 00:18:07,329 --> 00:18:08,787 Anyone know why I'm down here? 351 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,704 - You're leading us in prayer. - Freakin' right! 352 00:18:11,704 --> 00:18:14,538 People say you're slow. Hah! 353 00:18:21,038 --> 00:18:24,830 Rosalyn, is it just me or are you kicking out 354 00:18:24,830 --> 00:18:27,573 some crazy sexual energy right now? 355 00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:30,623 How drunk must you be to ask that? 356 00:18:30,623 --> 00:18:32,748 Well, to quote Churchill... 357 00:18:32,748 --> 00:18:36,539 ...you'd have to remember what Churchill said. 358 00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,540 A toast! A toast to my dear friend, Louis. 359 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,665 Prayer! 360 00:18:46,665 --> 00:18:48,790 Prayer! 361 00:18:52,374 --> 00:18:55,304 We are... We are gathered here today, 362 00:18:55,304 --> 00:18:59,791 dear Lord, to witness and to give thanks for thy servant... 363 00:18:59,791 --> 00:19:02,708 ...thy... 364 00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:07,041 Who said, ''thy, thus, thou,'' Rosalyn? 365 00:19:08,917 --> 00:19:12,042 As the gentleman from Pennsylvania is clearly indisposed, 366 00:19:12,042 --> 00:19:14,667 I wonder if he might yield to me the remainder of his time? 367 00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:17,417 - He willeth. - Thank you. 368 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,001 Mmm, these are good. I'm hungry. 369 00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:21,126 Hey, garcon, can I get some more of these joints here, please? 370 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,210 You know, 371 00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:26,585 whenever I listen to Republicans offer up prayers, 372 00:19:26,585 --> 00:19:28,460 I'm struck by a profound disconnect, 373 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,252 a disconnect between what you profess you feel 374 00:19:31,252 --> 00:19:35,017 for an impoverished, unemployed Jewish carpenter 375 00:19:35,017 --> 00:19:38,128 and how you treat people who are just like him. 376 00:19:38,128 --> 00:19:40,003 Who do you bet leaves first? My money's on Paul. 377 00:19:40,003 --> 00:19:41,961 What if Jesus were alive today? 378 00:19:41,961 --> 00:19:44,878 Would you cut his unemployment benefits? 379 00:19:44,878 --> 00:19:46,461 What about his food stamps? 380 00:19:46,461 --> 00:19:49,545 Would you insist that he got a photo ID 381 00:19:49,545 --> 00:19:51,504 in order to be allowed to vote? 382 00:19:51,504 --> 00:19:54,087 Would you tap his phone? 383 00:19:54,087 --> 00:19:57,379 Would you pass his sandals through the x-ray machine? 384 00:19:57,379 --> 00:20:00,754 Racially profile him based on his Middle Eastern appearance? 385 00:20:00,754 --> 00:20:03,088 Why doesn't she just fart? It'd be a lot quicker. 386 00:20:03,088 --> 00:20:05,255 ...stop and frisk him? ''Legally'' shoot him, 387 00:20:05,255 --> 00:20:09,005 if he raised his hand, as Jesus did, in the temple? 388 00:20:09,005 --> 00:20:12,956 Carly, this is a... 389 00:20:12,956 --> 00:20:15,806 - ...non-partisan brunch. - Louis, 390 00:20:15,806 --> 00:20:19,714 do you really think that Jesus was non-partisan? 391 00:20:19,714 --> 00:20:22,089 Jesus was a liberal! 392 00:20:22,089 --> 00:20:25,006 Jesus belongs to our side, Paul. 393 00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,717 The New Testament is ours. 394 00:20:26,717 --> 00:20:28,656 You want the Old Testament God? 395 00:20:28,656 --> 00:20:30,632 The bloody, vengeful, pissed-off old man? 396 00:20:30,632 --> 00:20:33,798 You can have him. But the loving God, 397 00:20:33,798 --> 00:20:37,923 the one who sacrificed his only son for our sins? 398 00:20:37,923 --> 00:20:39,507 He's ours, baby! 399 00:20:39,507 --> 00:20:41,840 You hear me? He's ours! 400 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,591 You can't have 'em both. Doesn't work that way. 401 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:47,799 - Amen! - And scene! Hah! 402 00:20:47,799 --> 00:20:53,133 - You promised. - Worst prayer ever. 403 00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:55,216 Well, maybe not technically a prayer, 404 00:20:55,216 --> 00:20:58,175 but who amongst us was not entertained? 405 00:20:58,175 --> 00:20:59,217 Hmm? 406 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:03,948 Christians: zero, lion: four. 407 00:21:03,948 --> 00:21:07,425 Lion! Lion! Come on! Lion! 408 00:21:07,425 --> 00:21:10,800 Lion, lion, li... 409 00:21:16,426 --> 00:21:18,926 How'd it go, buddy? 410 00:21:18,926 --> 00:21:20,010 Things got a bit off track, Gil John. 411 00:21:20,010 --> 00:21:22,093 - Carly... - Say no more, Louise. 412 00:21:22,093 --> 00:21:24,593 If I had a dollar for every time Carly Armiston 413 00:21:24,593 --> 00:21:26,094 got her panty hose in a twist, 414 00:21:26,094 --> 00:21:30,011 I could load up my 401k and retire. 415 00:21:32,104 --> 00:21:33,677 You OK, buddy? 416 00:21:33,677 --> 00:21:35,761 Louis is fine, Gil John. 417 00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:39,223 He's just gone to the special place he goes to 418 00:21:39,223 --> 00:21:44,678 when he's disappointed and confused by God's plan for him. 419 00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:47,762 he's not rebuking us with his silence. 420 00:21:47,762 --> 00:21:50,678 I think if he were able to speak right now, 421 00:21:50,678 --> 00:21:53,054 Louis might say something like, 422 00:21:53,054 --> 00:21:56,971 ''Be not troubled, friends, for I'm at peace. 423 00:21:56,971 --> 00:22:00,179 Though the road to salvation may be rocky, 424 00:22:00,179 --> 00:22:04,346 the way is lit by His saving grace.'' 425 00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:08,889 Fucking Carly! 426 00:22:10,472 --> 00:22:15,033 Mr. President, I rise today to introduce SR647, 427 00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:18,722 "The Global War on Terror Veteran's Day Two Act," 428 00:22:18,722 --> 00:22:21,931 also known as, ''GWoT-VD2.'' 429 00:22:21,931 --> 00:22:25,098 ''Why another Veteran's Day?'' you may ask. 430 00:22:25,098 --> 00:22:27,556 What a shameful question. 431 00:22:27,556 --> 00:22:32,056 An insuIt to a whole generation of 9-11 public servants, 432 00:22:32,056 --> 00:22:36,016 five million strong, both in uniform and out, 433 00:22:36,016 --> 00:22:40,016 squeezed into a single, threadbare Veterans Day? 434 00:22:40,016 --> 00:22:42,807 Under-honored, under-revered, 435 00:22:42,807 --> 00:22:45,224 all but forgotten. 436 00:22:45,224 --> 00:22:47,933 Let us now come together and build these heroes 437 00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:53,600 the unpaid holiday they truly deserve: GWoT-VD2. 438 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,892 I yield the remainder of my time in the memory of their sacrifice. 439 00:22:57,892 --> 00:23:02,892 Created and Synch by Kiberline 440 00:23:02,942 --> 00:23:07,492 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0